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| The illusion (because everyone sits in the grass wearing a maxi-dress while blogging...) |
Several years ago, I used to maintain a blog on a semi-regular basis. I had many reasons for doing so. First and foremost, I enjoyed the process of writing, although frankly, I never felt compelled to write just for the sake of writing itself-- I needed a purpose in doing so, and I found it in blogging.
At first, my blog posts were just for me. I kept my blog private and it served as a sort of personal journal of my thoughts, photos, recipes, memories, and day-to-day life. I found that writing served to help me organize my thoughts, process my emotions, clear my head when I needed to purge, and expand my creativity on the occasions when I felt like stretching my writing skills in order to try to bring a memory, situation, event, etc., to life as vividly as possible.
After a while, however, I abandoned my blog. I'd simply lost interest in it, and when I returned, I found that it had been pirated. (Look up tamijovanderwilt.com and see for yourself.) To this day I lament the loss of those posts. It was some of my finest writing. But that's life, and I've moved on.
Years later I decided to give it a go again. Again, I posted anything and everything about my life, and again, at first it was just for me. But after a while, I decided to quietly make my blog public. I didn't promote it at first; I simply pushed that scary button: PUBLISH.
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| The reality is farless appealing |
I'm not sure how it happened, but people eventually stumbled upon my website and, much to my surprise and delight, my postings were favorably received. That was quite the unexpected boost and it encouraged me to become increasingly candid, sort of testing the waters. I began to explore anything and everything, from silly flights of fancy to some of the traumatic events in my life. The former were fun and easy, the latter were frightening but cleansing. And though doing so made me feel somewhat vulnerable and exposed, it also helped me in ways I never could have anticipated. Best of all, whether I chose to write about the good stuff or the bad, I found that people responded to it in gratifying and meaningful ways. It gave me the courage to begin to actually promote it a bit.
It's been a few years and a great deal has happened since those days. My blogging hobby (and a great deal else) fell by the wayside and I got caught up in other things. Frankly, I lost my motivation and, in a very real sense, I lost my way. But deep in the back of my mind, I found that I missed my blog. As silly as that may seem to some, it fulfilled something in me.
I've decided that the time is right to sit down to my keyboard again. In fact, my psychiatrist, Dr. M., kind of "prescribed" it to me. In those years, he could see the ways that it benefited me, and he recently encouraged me to resume. I'm not entirely sure, but I do believe he read my musings on occasion, and he could see the effect that writing had on my psyche.
Sometimes it was just plain fun and I shared for the sheer joy of it. I posted of my travels, my adventures and misadventures, and my family. I shared favorite photos, recipes, poems...whatever struck my fancy on a given day.
Sometimes it was raw and brutal. I discussed the deaths of my first grandson and, shortly thereafter, of my eldest son. I discussed my inner turmoil and confusion. My anger. But as I said, on such occasions I found it therapeutic. Those were the most gut-wrenching posts to write and the most frightening to share, but they were also the most healing for me. And when I took a chance and put myself out into the world, I discovered that not only did I find support, I also discovered that I had the power to touch others' lives in ways I'd never anticipated. I reached others who were struggling and helped them to realize that they were not alone. It was humbling and empowering at the same time. I even had a couple of occasions in which someone wrote to tell me that my words had helped them to hang on for another day.
So...here I go again. I might post twice or even thrice in a day or a week, only to go weeks or even months without checking in. I might write about Tootsie Rolls and daisies today, and desperation tomorrow. My blog will have no rhyme or reason, except just to be. Mostly it exists for me, but if you happen to find it compelling in any way, then we both have gained by it.
Whoever you are, wherever you are, I'm glad you stopped by. I hope you stick around. Whether or not you do, I wish you well and...
Happy trails!
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